So when I found a lump on my left forearm which seemed to appear almost overnight, cancer was one of my last thoughts as to what it might be. In fact, I didn't really have any idea what it might be, so I went long to the doctors thinking that he would have a better idea. The doctor assured me there was nothing wrong with my new mole, but that he could refer me to a dermatologist for a second opinion, if I wanted him to. I thought 'yeah, why not' so went away and waited for my appointment. When it finally came through, it was for 21st December, 10 weeks after I initially went to the doctors. This was really inconvenient, as it was in Hull and home was 150 miles away, where I should have been at this point, having broken up for Christmas after the first semester of my music degree. When I tried to rearrange it, I was told that I would have to reapply for the appointment and I was incredibly close to cancelling it all together. I mean, I had been assured it was all ok, and this was just a precaution, and it seemed like a lot of fuss if there was nothing to be worried about, like the doctor had assured me. But after some wise words from my parents, I decided to go ahead with the appointment.
I waited for my appointment with life ticking on nicely and the mole not causing my any problems and remaining in the back of my head, apart from some hilarious mocking from my housemates, and referring to it as my 'third nipple'. It didn't cause me any hassle at all, until one day I caught it on some books and it bled like I have never seen anything so small bleed before in my life. At this point, some alarm bells began ringing. Strange looking mole-check. Growing-check. Bleeding-check. So back I went to the doctors, where I categorically asked him if he thought it was skin cancer, to be told that there was no chance of it being so. So back on with my life I went, waiting for my appointment, a further month away.
By the time my appointment came round, I was just ready to get rid of the unsightly thing on my arm.
I rocked up to my appointment, Mom and Nan in tow, to be told immediately that it was a 'pyogenic granuloma' and when I read about it afterwards, it made perfect sense. So the mole was removed, sewed up and I was sent on my way. End of story. Well, thats what I thought, but it was barely the beginning...
We went home for Christmas, and had a lovely time. On boxing day I went to my grandparents where I started to notice that the wound on my arm had started weeping and being generally unpleasant. I put it down to putting some moisturiser on it, as I was told to. But over the next few days it got nastier and nastier and at one point, the stitches started pulling through my skin. So In my boyfriends bathroom, me, him and his mom performed a DIY stitch removal with some nail scissors and tweezers, as they were just making the whole area worse. With these gone, the wound had a chance to start healing and eventually started to settle down. I had been told that if I didn't hear anything within a month, not to worry. So after a month of not hearing anything, just assumed there was nothing to hear. After another visit to the doctor to tell him of my concern that the wound was swelling up again, he told me it was probably just a stitch and to leave it be.
2 weeks later, on 3rd February, I got a phone call from the hospital saying that I needed to see someone ASAP about the results from the tests I'd had done. My immediate thought was that it meant I had cancer. But as I went through the day, I realised that I'd sent of some nail clippings from a weird toe I'd had forever, so managed to convince myself it was something to do with that. I rang them back, and they arranged an appointment for the next morning. I knew something had to be really wrong then-the NHS never move that fast!! Unless it's serious...
Lying awake that night, failing to fall asleep, I said to Richard that things would never be the same again, but I didn't know how right I would be.
The next morning we made our way to the hospital, arriving 30 minutes early for the appointment. When we got there, they took me straight through and sat me down-what happened to the hour long wait?! Being told you have cancer is like no other experience on earth, and something you can't really explain. It is the biggest combination of shock, fear, sadness and dread. The doctor who told me could probably do with a few lessons in bedside manner, as when I sat down he just blurted it out, then asked if I wanted my boyfriend with me (I've always thought the wrong way round!) I said yes, and in Richard was brought to be told the same news I had. I was completely speechless. I had vaguely entertained the thought that it might be cancer, but never had I thought it would actually be that. We sat in silence as appointments were made for me, facts were told. It was only when I was offered a coffee and given a leaflet on malignant melanoma that I started to realise what was going on.
We went home, both dumbstruck at what had just happened and I was faced with ringing my parents to tell them what was going on-not an experience I'd like to repeat. I had been given an appointment for the following Monday with my plastic surgeon, which my parents were going to come to, so we were sent home for a weekend of fuzziness. I was actually in the middle of rehearsing for a show, so not knowing what else to do, I went to all day rehearsals on the Saturday and the Sunday, before my parents arrived on the Sunday night. We stayed up late to watch the Super Bowl, but after that failed to grab my attention (how long does it go on for?!) I decided to go to bed, ready for whatever would happen the next day.
Our first trip to the hospital together as a family was certainly an interesting one. We were introduced to the plastic surgeon, Mr. Stanley, who explained what they had found, what it meant and what was going to happen next. The lump that they had removed was 4.08 mm thick, which put me in a high risk category for it having spread else where. The first place the cancer usually stopped off was your lymph nodes, which are under your arms, neck and groin. Therefore, I was to have a wider local excision (WLE) around the original mole and a sentinel lymph-node biopsy (SLNB) to see if it had indeed spread to the lymphs. This was all to happen after some blood tests, an admissions test and a ct scan...
Leaving the hospital on that cold February afternoon, we knew a very long road lay ahead of us, and none of us really knew what to expect...
Me and my amazing parents!
The most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for
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